More whining! Be warned.

I have a much softer spot for Mothers who can't let go of their kids than I used to have.
Recently we re- watched the movie "North and South" based on the novel by Elizabeth Gaskell and put to film by the BBC.   In this story there is a strong Mother who has guided her son through life and has been instrumental in his success as a businessman.   This Mother is a force to be reckoned with and she is not terribly keen on becoming second fiddle to anyone in her sons life.    This situation becomes more evident  when he begins to have feelings for a young lady.

I saw this movie several years ago, when my own son was still in his early teens and not at all interested in romance or anything like it.    During that time I was able to sit back and condemn that Mothers actions as nasty and evil.   I was able to confidently say, "I would never do that!"    Ahhh. Time.    It has a way of making me eat my words.

No I haven't hated any young ladies in his life but I've certainly wrestled with being moved naturally and with lightening speed to this new position  that places me more in the audience of his life than in the scene.

Sonny boy is now nineteen and I've seen things in myself that shake the foundations of what and who I've always thought I was.    First in his heart is a sweet  young lady that he adores. She feels the same toward him.   I am no longer his favorite girl.   I'm no longer the person he tells all his secrets to.    It make me  sad to see it end. But there's no way I'd change it. Because, while  holding onto that position would mean that I would not be sad, it would also mean that my son would be cheated of the value that comes from breaking free and becoming his own person more fully.    I don't want to turn him into a man who is unable to make a decision without clearing it with his Mother. Oh the other hand:  I do want him to be a good man who is comfortable seeking counsel from his Mother (and Father) but who takes responsibility for the decisions he makes following that counsel. I've seen evidence that he is well on his way to being this good man.

During this second viewing of that movie I shed  tears of compassion for that poor Mother as she came to understand this same principle about her own son. She was clearly more grudging in her relenting yet I identified with that resignation to finally accept though this hurts and it feels as if the only loser in this transaction is ME...it is what's right.   It's part of the natural order of things and it must be allowed to happen.

While I'm in this crappy phase of being a real downer  I turn your attention to my friend who has lived through some pretty horrendous trouble with one of her kids  and she is now in a very different place (and a much better place I want to add).   Go visit her and tell her I sent ya.